


Sleepless

by Tiara_of_Sapphires



Category: Bridgerton (TV), Bridgerton Series - Julia Quinn
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Nightmares, Post Season 1, Pregnancy, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:42:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28658922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tiara_of_Sapphires/pseuds/Tiara_of_Sapphires
Summary: Simon cannot help his fears now that Daphne is with child.
Relationships: Daphne Bridgerton/Simon Basset
Comments: 20
Kudos: 376





	Sleepless

**Author's Note:**

> Wow, it's a shame therapy wasn't more of a thing in the early 1800s. Because a bunch of these people definitely need it!!
> 
> I headcanon that Simon has a drinking problem. Idk if he does in the books but it seemed pretty clear to me in the show. Idk.
> 
> Enjoy!

The study was always cold in the middle of the night. Simon had become used to it over time. After all, his drink would chase the cold away or he would just get too drunk to feel the cold or much of anything.

Two drinks in, with only his breath and the flickering of candles for music, he could almost forget about the dread that haunted him at every turn.

Simon longed for the warmth of his bed and the embrace of his sleeping wife, though he knew he wouldn’t find sleep himself. It was hard to sleep when his dreams were haunted by visions of Daphne, waxy and covered in blood in the birthing bed.

It had been four months since her courses stopped and the doctor confirmed that she was with child. She was just beginning to show with the smallest slope in her belly.

She wanted this. _They_ wanted this: a family and all the joys and perils that came with it.

It was difficult for him to look forward to a future of a cooing infant, a toddler stumbling about, when all he could think about was death and something completely and utterly out of his control.

Simon downed his glass and poured another. He couldn’t even be productive in the private hell of his own making. All of the ledgers that he slaved over since his father died became blurry nonsense the drunker he became. Crop rotations, the heads of cattle. All numbers and plot types and family names.

One of the tenants recently had a girl, much to the delight of a family with three boys. Daphne had brought the mother a bouquet of flowers personally. She talked at length during dinner about all the tips the more experienced woman had shared with her.

Would their child be a girl? He didn’t have a particular preference for gender, though having a boy to start would make things easier down the line, with demands for an heir and all that. Supposing it was a girl, if she took after her mother, the world would be all the more blessed for it.

It would be a loved child, no matter what. Even if Daphne—even if she…

“Simon?”

His head snapped to the door, smothering the horrid thought, a line of thinking that had dogged him since the moment Daphne started showing, before it could fully bloom.

Lord in Heaven, Daphne would take his breath away every time he saw her. She stood in the doorway in her pretty white nightgown, haloed by light from her lantern.

“Oh, an angel has come to—to deliver me,” he said with all the grandiose affect that he knew made her smile. He was promptly rewarded for his efforts as she stepped further into the study and closed the door behind her.

Daphne rounded his desk, watching him watch her. This had been the first time in a long time that she had woken up from their bed in the middle of the night with one side of the bed cold and empty. She usually slept through the nights, especially now that she was with child.

“You know, this was a lot fuller yesterday when I last visited your study,” Daphne said.

She gently grabbed his wrist before he could bring the glass to his lips again. Simon blinked blearily at her and her heart dropped. He looked drawn with shadows ringing around his eyes. He looked hungover and hopelessly drunk all at the same time.

How often did he leave the bed to drink by himself? How had she not noticed?

“I s—suppose I overindulged,” he said.

He smiled sheepishly at her, hoping to chase the thoughtful look on her face. Daphne plucked the glass from him with her free hand and set it back on his desk.

“Come to bed, my love. You need to rest.”

Simon turned in his chair, but he made no move to stand.

He leaned forward to rest his head between her breasts and muttered something incoherent.

“What was that, my dearest?” Daphne asked.

His breath was warm against her skin as he sighed heavily. “I cannot sleep. I must confess that I’ve been having trouble sleeping in these past weeks.”

He rested his hand over the slight swell of her belly. He couldn’t manage to look up at her face, imagining either pitying tears or reproach at his weakness. Amazing, how he could fit his whole world in the circle of his arms. He pressed tighter against her, as if she would disappear if he didn't hold fast enough.

“My mind is aflight with fear that I will lose you in the same way that I lost my own mother, on the birthing bed,” he said, unable to completely muffle his words in her bosom.

Daphne’s breath caught at the admission, tears already springing to her eyes. They had spoken about his vow to his late father and her own transgression. While apprehensive of her pregnancy, she had thought that all had been settled between them. Apparently, she was wrong.

She combed a hand through his hair, massaging his scalp a little.

“I see. And you come here because you want to avoid the bad dreams, yes?” she murmured. “Or at least, it’s harder to have a bad dream drunk than when sober?”

He drooped a little. “As usual, you are spot-on on both accounts.”

She tugged at him, enough to give him the idea that she would manhandle him out of the chair, pregnancy be damned, if she had to. Simon stood, albeit unsteady on his feet.

“No wonder you’ve been so taciturn in the mornings these past weeks,” Daphne grumbled. There was still softness in her eyes, no reproach or judgement regarding his state to be seen.

“ _Taciturn_ ,” Simon echoed. “You are too kind to me.”

Thinking back, he probably wasn’t putting a good front to his wife when they broke their fasts together. It was always difficult to struggle through conversation when one’s stomach swooped and head throbbed with every beat of his heart. He always recovered by midmorning, in time to tend to his duties or take a walk in the gardens.

She led him through the halls to their bedroom, where the beddings were still rumpled and had grown cold.

“You shall have eggs and garlic when we break fast tomorrow,” she said primly before planting a kiss on his lax mouth. He still tasted like brandy. 

Simon made a disgusted sound in the back of his throat, making Daphne giggle, before flopping unceremoniously onto the bed. Daphne followed close behind, tucking herself against his back as close as she could.

“There is a risk,” she said after a moment of quiet. “I won’t lie to you and say that there isn’t. But, Bridgertons come from strong stock.”

He almost laughed at that. Indeed, the Bridgerton matriarch had lived to boast about her many healthy children. It stood to reason that Daphne would inherit that strength as well.

“I still worry,” he sighed.

Daphne could already imagine how he would worry and dote over her as she became fuller with child. She was fairly small as it was, so she would likely waddle like a duck when she got closer to the birthing date. Perhaps, he would demand that she be carried no matter where she went.

“Of course. But, when our child is born and I am recovered, we will look back with joy on the worries we had.”

She pressed a kiss to the back of his neck and Simon shut his eyes.

“Let it be done, then, according to my darling’s command,” he said.

Daphne’s laugh rang out in the stillness of the room and echoed in Simon’s blissfully pleasant dreams.

**Author's Note:**

> God! These two love each other so much and it hurts me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
> 
> Comments and kudos are appreciated!


End file.
